I've been writing this blog entry in my head for days. My grandmother passed away early (around 3am I think) last Monday morning. She was in the hospital for a few week because of severe pain. Finally they transferred her to Jackson hospital and they ran more tests to find that she had cancer. Then it took several days to find out the type- stage 4 large cell lung cancer that had spread to her liver and bones. They started chemo and did radiation on her back to ease some of the bone pain. First the chemo didn't have any side effects but then they came hard. Then she got over them felt a little better and then she passed away.
The last time I saw her was Sept 27. We went out of town to NY and then to CT for a wedding the 29th- 2nd. We went to see her in the hospital everyday before our trip except for the 28th because we took Char to Savannah that night after work so Jacob's aunt and granny could babysit Char for us. We got back home that night close to 11pm and we had an early flight that next morning. We had a fabulous time in NY and CT but I don't like to think about it because I regret going. We got up Sunday 2nd (after only having 3 hr sleep) at about 5am, caught a ride to the closest train station, had a 1.5 hr train ride to NY, caught a cab to the airport, then after a 30 mins cab ride we had to late in a very long security line, our flight was about 2.5 hr long, then from Memphis we drove to Savannah to get Char. A long day. By the time we got Char up from her nap, ate a quick dinner, and fed Char it was nearly 8pm when we got home. I called my dad and he said Mammaw was doing good. He told me she wouldn't be able to keep up the chemo and she only had a few months. But they were going to do physical therapy and move her back. I decided I wouldn't go to the hospital that night because I was tired and I missed Charlotte,
My dad called me at 4:47 that next morning to tell me the news. I'm so angry at myself for not going that night.
I'm starting to get over not seeing her that night because I know I had no way of knowing it was her last night. And she wasn't herself in the hospital. The person I knew and miss wasn't the person laying in the hospital bed.
Then I started feeling guilty for not seeing her more while she was healthy. But when I thought back on it, I've seen her alot more this past year than I did the year before. You know why- Charlotte. I have no doubt that Charlotte was born when she was so the family would have a reason to see each other more often in Mammaw's last year. So for that time I'm thankful.
This isn't exactly the beautiful blog post I envisioned writing.
The last time I saw her was Sept 27. We went out of town to NY and then to CT for a wedding the 29th- 2nd. We went to see her in the hospital everyday before our trip except for the 28th because we took Char to Savannah that night after work so Jacob's aunt and granny could babysit Char for us. We got back home that night close to 11pm and we had an early flight that next morning. We had a fabulous time in NY and CT but I don't like to think about it because I regret going. We got up Sunday 2nd (after only having 3 hr sleep) at about 5am, caught a ride to the closest train station, had a 1.5 hr train ride to NY, caught a cab to the airport, then after a 30 mins cab ride we had to late in a very long security line, our flight was about 2.5 hr long, then from Memphis we drove to Savannah to get Char. A long day. By the time we got Char up from her nap, ate a quick dinner, and fed Char it was nearly 8pm when we got home. I called my dad and he said Mammaw was doing good. He told me she wouldn't be able to keep up the chemo and she only had a few months. But they were going to do physical therapy and move her back. I decided I wouldn't go to the hospital that night because I was tired and I missed Charlotte,
My dad called me at 4:47 that next morning to tell me the news. I'm so angry at myself for not going that night.
I'm starting to get over not seeing her that night because I know I had no way of knowing it was her last night. And she wasn't herself in the hospital. The person I knew and miss wasn't the person laying in the hospital bed.
Then I started feeling guilty for not seeing her more while she was healthy. But when I thought back on it, I've seen her alot more this past year than I did the year before. You know why- Charlotte. I have no doubt that Charlotte was born when she was so the family would have a reason to see each other more often in Mammaw's last year. So for that time I'm thankful.
This isn't exactly the beautiful blog post I envisioned writing.
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