It didn't last long

Pumping at work that is.
I'm tired of pumping at work. It sucks. So much to keep up with, parts to wash at night. Blah.

This week we have been supplementing with formula since I haven't been able to pump enough. Char seems to like the formula and it doesn't seem to bother her. Yay! So I officially decided on Wednesday that I'll be transitioning to all formula. I cut out one of my pumping sessions at work yesterday.

Well I didn't pump much before bed and Char wouldn't breastfeed so I wasn't completely surprised when I woke up this morning to a completely soaked tshirt. So gross though.

Anyways. I'm just trying to wean myself slowly... That's all I know to do. I have a feeling this is gonna suck. Haha

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What's new in pictures!

My first day back to work

Charlotte getting ready for early Easter at Nana's

I heart my hands

She loves her Bumbo and her fingers

riding Waldo

Checkin' out her foot

tummy time!

very serious baby

Back2Work

So I finished my 1st week back at work. I have conflicting feelings about it... I miss staying home but I think it's good for me to be out of the house some. Also it is better for me and Jacob's relationship with me working. When I stayed home I kinda resented Jacob for getting a break from Charlotte and I felt like I did everything for her (well actually I did but that was bc I was there all day). Now we have more of a team vibe going. So things feel more balanced bc we both work and both care for Charlotte.

One tough thing about working (besides my 1hr commute) is pumping. I am able to pump 3 times out of my 9.5hr day. I have two 15min breaks and a 30min lunch. 15min just isn't very long to assembly parts, pump and then wipe down the pump parts. I use most of my lunch pumping and then eat a sandwich really fast. It just kinda sucks because I spend all of my break time pumping and not socializing with my coworkers. Oh well.

My mom told me she thought Char needed more milk than what I was bringing everyday, so I told her to start using my freezer stash. Well she steadily starting eating more each day and Friday she ate 26 oz! I had only taken 18oz for her in fresh milk. I decided it was time to think about supplementing with formula.

I called my doctors office and talked to her nurse about formula bc I wasn't sure what kind they recommend or if I needed to mix it with breast milk at first. Well the nurse questioned me about my decision to give formula and told me that it doesn't matter what kind I give Char because all of it will hurt her stomach and make her gassy and fussy. Then she said I might as well use the gentelease to skip the step of me calling saying the regular formula is bothering her stomach then having the nurse say to try the gentelease. She made me feel like an asshole who wanted to give my daughter poison. Talk about kicking me while I'm down.

Char has been taking a bottle well though. Really well. So well that I haven't been able to get her to nurse well today. I think she likes the bottle better now. I'm not sure what makes me feel worse- that she likes a bottle more than nursing or that I like it too:(
I'm gonna keep trying to pump and see how that goes. But I wouldn't be surprised if I don't last much longer. She has taken 3 formula bottles since yesterday and so far so good.

I've found that motherhood is full of guilt a lot of the time. Guilt over returning to work, guilt over not nursing, guilt guilt guilt.

But other than that the first week back has been pretty good- I didn't cry that much at all:)

Char is progressing well. She's liking tummy time more and lifting her head straight up during tummy time. She is grabbing everything and she's always chewing on her hands these days.
And she nearly rolled over this morning! She got part of the way then got stuck and cried.

Well that's all for now:)

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Tomorrow is the big day

I go back to work tomorrow:( The last day I worked was 01/14/11! That seems like forever ago. But at the same time, I feel like my maternity leave flew by.

There were days where I was so frustrated being a new mom house by myself all day that I actually looked forward to going back to work. Mostly I enjoyed my time off. But the days where I couldn't eat without holding her or couldn't shower because I could get her to stop crying or the days she wouldn't nap.... I feel terrible that I actually looked to going back to work those times.

This past week I was pretty sad about going back but still felt like it would be good for me to be outta the house. I think I was so cool about it most of the week because of this whole Federal budget thing. I kept thinking there wouldn't be a budget and I wouldn't go back Monday. So when I found out Friday morning that I was an "essential" employee and would work either way it started to hit me. By that afternoon I was crying a lil bit off and on. Saturday I stared and her alot, cried some, and held her extra close when I rocked her before bed.

When did I get so crazy emotional?

I've also spent the weekend getting all the stuff ready to take to my moms house. I'm trying to stock her house so I'm not packing a diaper bag everyday. Also I have all my pumping supplies ready to go (I think. I hope). Ha
I'm a little worried about the pumping. But if it doesn't work out I'll stop (gradually). The bad thing (for me) and the good thing (for Jacob) about me continuing to breastfeed is that Jacob really can't help me in the morning. He can't get her ready and feed her while I get ready because if he bottle feeds her, then I'll have to pump which takes time too so I might as well breastfeed in the morning too.

Oh well there is much to think about. I'm a worrier and I don't deal well with change so this should be an interesting week. I'm planning on giving myself a pep talk later today and tomorrow.

Wish me luck:)

I'll try to post tomorrow to let you know how it all goes down..,,

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1ht

...aka one hand type.

I had a cranky/ sleepy girl that fell asleep in my arms and I'm not moving her. Hence the one hand type from my iPhone so excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes:)

Let's give an update on Char...
She is now 10 weeks old! Finally made it to the double digits! Woot:)
At her 8 wk appt she was 13 lb and 5oz and 23 3/4in long. She's a big ole girl... Well not abnormally big, just a lil bigger than most babies her age.
She's wearing 3 and 3-6 months size clothes unless it's gerber or fisher price onesies those are 6-9 months. They run small. She loves her play gym. Her favorite things are to kick and swing her arms at the toys above her in the gym. She doesn't understand yet that she is moving them but she has a good time. I think she will be rolling over any day now. But I know she'll be so mad once she rolls over bc she hates being on her stomach.

Ok my arm is going numb, I gotta pee, and I'm hungry... So that's all for now.
Fingers crossed that she stays asleep when I put her in the crib:)

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