Back2Work

So I finished my 1st week back at work. I have conflicting feelings about it... I miss staying home but I think it's good for me to be out of the house some. Also it is better for me and Jacob's relationship with me working. When I stayed home I kinda resented Jacob for getting a break from Charlotte and I felt like I did everything for her (well actually I did but that was bc I was there all day). Now we have more of a team vibe going. So things feel more balanced bc we both work and both care for Charlotte.

One tough thing about working (besides my 1hr commute) is pumping. I am able to pump 3 times out of my 9.5hr day. I have two 15min breaks and a 30min lunch. 15min just isn't very long to assembly parts, pump and then wipe down the pump parts. I use most of my lunch pumping and then eat a sandwich really fast. It just kinda sucks because I spend all of my break time pumping and not socializing with my coworkers. Oh well.

My mom told me she thought Char needed more milk than what I was bringing everyday, so I told her to start using my freezer stash. Well she steadily starting eating more each day and Friday she ate 26 oz! I had only taken 18oz for her in fresh milk. I decided it was time to think about supplementing with formula.

I called my doctors office and talked to her nurse about formula bc I wasn't sure what kind they recommend or if I needed to mix it with breast milk at first. Well the nurse questioned me about my decision to give formula and told me that it doesn't matter what kind I give Char because all of it will hurt her stomach and make her gassy and fussy. Then she said I might as well use the gentelease to skip the step of me calling saying the regular formula is bothering her stomach then having the nurse say to try the gentelease. She made me feel like an asshole who wanted to give my daughter poison. Talk about kicking me while I'm down.

Char has been taking a bottle well though. Really well. So well that I haven't been able to get her to nurse well today. I think she likes the bottle better now. I'm not sure what makes me feel worse- that she likes a bottle more than nursing or that I like it too:(
I'm gonna keep trying to pump and see how that goes. But I wouldn't be surprised if I don't last much longer. She has taken 3 formula bottles since yesterday and so far so good.

I've found that motherhood is full of guilt a lot of the time. Guilt over returning to work, guilt over not nursing, guilt guilt guilt.

But other than that the first week back has been pretty good- I didn't cry that much at all:)

Char is progressing well. She's liking tummy time more and lifting her head straight up during tummy time. She is grabbing everything and she's always chewing on her hands these days.
And she nearly rolled over this morning! She got part of the way then got stuck and cried.

Well that's all for now:)

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